SO, I got a lovely email today, asking me to move where I'm sitting at Prom... I'm not even kidding.
Why must we have assigned seating when every wedding movie known to mankind has shown us it is a bad idea? The world may never know.
I actually then tried to move, because the feelings of unwantedness were coming from where I signed up long before I even chose to sit there. On top of that I felt bad because it really does seem like the person they wanted to have my seat does need a seat and she's really a nice girl.
The problem is that all the tables were full, the ones that might have been open were with people I hardly talk to, much less would want to spend my prom night with.
I do ask why we even need assigned seating? If you want everyone to have fancy place cards, don't bother. I'd rather have the beef you promised us instead of the chicken you'll be serving than have a fancy place card to keep in my drawer of things I've gathered about me and my history.
After I got this email I wrote this poem. It sucks and is unedited, but it expresses my most initial reaction (Snap is the title, not an actual part of the poem...):
Snap
Let’s not hurt anyone’s feelings
Don’t want anyone to feel left out of the festivities
You, move
Now don’t be upset
We don’t want anyone upset,
Now leave so we don’t hurt anyone
Get the fuck out.
We want fun for all,
So you can sit in the corner alone with a box of crayons and safety scissors,
We can’t afford paper.
Throw yourself under the bus for the good of the whole
Why are you upset?
Its not that big of a deal.
Its just a meal
Stand out of the way and hide in a corner
Now we can all have fun
Sacrifice yourself so that others may live and be happy
Messiah complexes suck…
I can’t fucking take it
Tumultuous is such a simple word to describe this entire year
Prom, a Capstone
Are you serious?
I lie down and take it
It is more easy
What the fuck do I do now?
Plastered on fake smile, because what else is left?
I can’t force myself to feel any other emotion except a creepy kind of laughing incredulity
I realize why the Joker smiles
The world is so ridiculous
SO pretentious
SO incredibly insane
SO caught up in inanity
You can’t take it at face value
Smiling, Smiling just keep smiling
Writing no better than Rape survival poetry
Oh, My Fucking God, are we twelve?
Why must we have assigned seating?
Why must it be such a Big Fucking Deal?
Why? Why? Why?
Settle down, still in utter disbelief
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So I realize this is too late to mean much for your particular circumstance aforementioned, but you seem to have found the door to my world as of the last year and a half-ish. People are ridiculous, stupid, crazy, immature... the world is a mess. But what can you do? Just keep on keepin' on. Yes it sounds overused and redundant, but it's the truth. You finish high school and start college, and when you move out a whole new world opens up and the only people you have to make time for anymore are the ones that you want to matter. Yes, you are allowed to "lose touch" with everyone you realize is only slowing/bringing you down. And no one has to know the difference, they'll think you just got busy. Which will be true, so it's a perfectly viable excuse.
The two of us have struggled through the social life of high school so much because we saw what was stupid and immature and not worth it long before anyone else even wanted to bother looking. What did I do on prom night? I got ready by myself, I fought with my parents, I payed for my own appointments after my parents said they would take care of them, I drove there alone to try to save gas, spent the night in and out but really just wanting to run and hide, got lost and drove the long way to the party, had an even worse time there realizing how alone I was and how horrible it was to expose such a thing in front of everyone, and then went home and finally did cry. And is any of it worth the hype and stress and money? Absolutely not. I suppose it could have been if I had anyone to make a real experience out of it with. Nowadays all I can say looking back is that at least I tried. 7 or 8 guys later and still no date? No one can say I didn't try. Granted I tried and failed, but what's the difference? I didn't expect much from the beginning. So I tried something more social than I've ever comfortable with, failed, and can now officially move on. I can use that night (plus the rest of those four years) as a reason for getting away, and now that it's all gone getting away is so much more worth it.
Was any of that worth anything to you? Maybe yes, maybe no, but that's about all I can say. It's not worth it, none of it is. Yes it makes for good banter when you're on those feminine hormonal highs, or when you're just pissed and need to rant and rave, but it's not worth losing sleep over. After having done that for years, I can say that I would rather have that sleep and peace of mind back than even have bothered.
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