Of Men and Women

While I am generally for guys displaying emotion now and then there is a line that can and needs to be drawn. Usually this line is called "Rational Thinking" but there are obviously people out there who do not use such wonderful gifts as rational thought to their advantage.

This is particularly bad when your emotion girl friends are whispering, "He acts more like a girl than we do" behind another friends back.

He is all over the place. He get's insanely jealous when we mention other guys or express interest in other men, even ones we know we'll neuver meet ala Charlie McDonnel. He wants some good friends. He wants to take pictures with you awkwardly. He wants you to read things. He wants them back. He wants to sit and watch cartoons while you work furiously on papers. Little, seemingly inconsequential things that make him seem down right frustrating to the people who have to deal with him, namely his friends and at this point that's the MOST any of us want to be with him.

This sort of thing really dovetails nicely with what I've been studying in one of my literature classes. Until the 1800's men were always thought of as "rational beings" and women were "controlled by their emotions" yet there has been a shift in thinking that basically boils down to: men want sex, women want money and stability in their lives. This demonstrates a complete reversal in the way we think about the world.

I've seen both, men with cool, calculated outlooks on life and women who fly off the handle at a moments notice the same time I've seen guys flip out over nothing and girls laughing at them for being so silly.

SO I've got to ask a few questions:

Is this method of thinking (men rational;women irrational) out dated?
Is the opposite any more true?
Is is far more complicated then any of this?

If you have answers, or just more questions feel free to comment below.

Between a Rock and...

Hello, I'm trying my darndest to get back into a blogging frame of mind. So I thought of something I really wanted to talk about..... My engagement.

Yes, I'm (as of yet) unofficially engaged to a very nice guy, who was not my boyfriend for the past several years, that's another story entirely. I say unofficially because I don't have a ring yet.

This is my dillema. I am happy to wait for however long it takes for him to save up and buy me a ring. However, I want to proclaim to the world that I've found a great guy and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him and I don't feel right doing that unless I have a ring.

Why do I feel I need a ring? Society. Society says I need a ring to show off when I announce my engagement to my friends and family. They will ask to see the ring and I'll happily say I don't have one yet and immediately, apart from the incredible speed we're moving at, people will think something is completely off about our relationship, including his parents.

You see my parents are cool with my fiance and I because they too only dated for a month before their official engagement was announced. His parents (Well, him mom and step-dad--we don't talk about his biological father) have both remarried at least once and therefore are far more wary of our relationship, which is understandable.

I realize to the outside world we are moving at a breakneck pace, but to me I've never felt anything more right in my life. Which leads me back to this ring thing (ha!).

I want to wait for a ring, because I know that will give more people more time to get aquainted with my fiance and the idea that we're together. I would love to say I'm comfortable enough with myself that I don't need a ring to tell people I'm engaged, but I think it's another matter of length.

I know we won't get married until we both finish our undergrad (not only because we think it's best, but I'm pretty sure that's the easiest way to let his parents get used to the idea, and it's when my parents want me to wait until), which won't be until May 2014 at the earliest. SO the earliest possible wedding dates are in June of 2014. That's nearly a three year engagement, which isn't unheard of, but it's not exactly common either.

So I want to wait for a ring and yet I don't. I keep thinking of my grandmother's engagement ring I have back at my parents house and the best way to persuade him to use it, yet at the same time I want him to put his unique spin on our official engagement... It's all so complicated.

I want to proclaim that I have found Mr. Right to the heavens, and yet I know that I should wait, and kind of want to wait until the time is right which for some reason means a ring is around my finger.

In any case, I'm glad I do have time to plan though, weddding are complicated!

Prom... The first of many....

SO, I got a lovely email today, asking me to move where I'm sitting at Prom... I'm not even kidding.

Why must we have assigned seating when every wedding movie known to mankind has shown us it is a bad idea? The world may never know.

I actually then tried to move, because the feelings of unwantedness were coming from where I signed up long before I even chose to sit there. On top of that I felt bad because it really does seem like the person they wanted to have my seat does need a seat and she's really a nice girl.

The problem is that all the tables were full, the ones that might have been open were with people I hardly talk to, much less would want to spend my prom night with.

I do ask why we even need assigned seating? If you want everyone to have fancy place cards, don't bother. I'd rather have the beef you promised us instead of the chicken you'll be serving than have a fancy place card to keep in my drawer of things I've gathered about me and my history.

After I got this email I wrote this poem. It sucks and is unedited, but it expresses my most initial reaction (Snap is the title, not an actual part of the poem...):

Snap

Let’s not hurt anyone’s feelings
Don’t want anyone to feel left out of the festivities
You, move
Now don’t be upset
We don’t want anyone upset,
Now leave so we don’t hurt anyone
Get the fuck out.
We want fun for all,
So you can sit in the corner alone with a box of crayons and safety scissors,
We can’t afford paper.
Throw yourself under the bus for the good of the whole
Why are you upset?
Its not that big of a deal.
Its just a meal
Stand out of the way and hide in a corner
Now we can all have fun
Sacrifice yourself so that others may live and be happy
Messiah complexes suck…

I can’t fucking take it
Tumultuous is such a simple word to describe this entire year
Prom, a Capstone
Are you serious?
I lie down and take it
It is more easy
What the fuck do I do now?

Plastered on fake smile, because what else is left?
I can’t force myself to feel any other emotion except a creepy kind of laughing incredulity
I realize why the Joker smiles
The world is so ridiculous
SO pretentious
SO incredibly insane
SO caught up in inanity
You can’t take it at face value

Smiling, Smiling just keep smiling
Writing no better than Rape survival poetry
Oh, My Fucking God, are we twelve?
Why must we have assigned seating?
Why must it be such a Big Fucking Deal?
Why? Why? Why?

Settle down, still in utter disbelief

Holidays are lovely

Happy Easter all. Not going to write much because I'm writing from my new iPod touch and it's hard to type on this little keypad thing. Just making sure it's going to work okay.

Quitter, not yet.

I need to quit my job, soon. Before it starts back up (its a seasonal job).

I'm not going to go into details about the whys and stuff for quite some time, but I just need the courage and timing to do so. Short and sweet post.

You Can't Stop the Beast!

The beastmeaning a monster, meaning pocket monster, meaning, of course, Pokemon (I'm not putting the accent mark, it's too complicated and doesn't always work).

I have become reobsessed with Pokemon. I don't know when it exactly started. I always enjoyed the games as a child. In fact, I still remember my original Yellow team, that was until I lost it... I played Gold several times (never beating it unfortunately. I could now, I'm just easily distracted). I played my brother's copy of Ruby mostly through, though I got easily frustrated and never quite finished.

The re-obsession began 2 summers ago when on a long road trip I restarted my Gold (the only time I restarted a game). It was so fun to replay that game.

Then recently, my boyfriend, came back from a trip to Japan (I am SO jealous, I don't want to talk about it...) and gave me a piplup hood (Isn't it soo cute?!)

Just imagine it as a hood, you know subtract the body and leave a human head sized hole for my face.

Anyway, then he gave me a gameboy advanced emulator for my laptop and he gave me Pokemon Leaf Green. I am so glad I decided to put it on the part of my computerI can't access at school, otherwise I'd be playing it all day. I just miss the old games.

SO really, this has absolutely no point. Other than.....I love Pokemon. Plain, simple, unashamed.

Pokemon is my favorite RPG. It is sophisticated in its simplicity. It is as timeless your ten-year old protagonist. It may add characters and mosters that don't fit earlier continuity, or aren't as good as before, but you continue to come back. Why? Because, you gotta catch 'em all!

On Being a Senior, a piece in Two Parts

Part One: An Open Letter

To my dearest underclassmen, and Juniors:

First of all I wish to make it known that you are not invisible. I see you every day wandering around, many of you still look like deer in headlights. Most of you seem like smart, intelligent girls who know how to make yourselves happy, something that’s very tricky in these parts

But that’s just it, I see you.

I see you listening to your iPhone or laptop during study, through headphones. Last time I checked that was a Senior privilege. If I’m mistaken please, let me know. Now, I’m not mad when you are actually working on a project, but I don’t think connecting headphones to your iPhone while flipping through your Spanish II workbook is absolutely necessary. Again, correct me if I’m wrong.

I see you wearing your grey Columbia. Again, I didn’t think you could, but I am just human. Maybe a club got special permission for everyone to wear a Columbia every day.

I see you sitting around the electric plugs. Forget to charge your computer last night? Oh, don’t worry, your allowed to sit in those spots, but let me tell you a little secret. We need them more. You see, our laptops and our batteries are far older than yours. This means a lot in technology time. Several Seniors have to plug in their laptops to get them to work at all. There are a select few who’s laptops do hold a charge for twenty minutes before dying. So, don’t worry, feel free to take those places by the plugs. It’s not like we need them.

Well, that’s all the wisdom I have to store upon you today my dear children.

Remember Jesus loves you.

I’m not so sure.

Signed,

Anonymous Uncaring Seniors

Part II: Prescription Write Ups

Patient needs 200cc’s of motivation straight to her veins, stat. The IV will drip continuously until patient has put on her white cap and gown.

Patient needs 30mg of ‘interest in’ my school work. The generic ‘Concern for’ will do if necessary. The patient should be forced to swallow one or more daily unless she does at least some homework without prompting.

Patient needs an over the counter plan to deal with a general sense of apathy that concerns graduation. Patient should be able to self medicate how much she does or does not care about Graduation. Should lower dosage as graduation draws closer.

Patient needs a daily dose of fun until this depressive thing called school is done with. Make sure teachers are aware that interesting may not equal the same as fun and realize that the condition is not their fault.

Patient needs a prescription for Senioritis.

Animation and the Oscars

So I didn't actually watch the Oscars Sunday night, though I did look up the winners. But this post started itching my brain before that.

Friday in homeroom a couple of people, myself included, were talking about some of the films nominated for best picture and how I was disappointed in myself for not seeing as many nominated movies as last year. Last year I had seen several serious 'films' not just movies. Last year I was a movie snob.

Then we got to talking about Avatar, because really who isn't talking about Avatar these days? And one girl mentions she sees Avatar more as an animated film. I understand her argument and quite honestly somewhat agree with her. Avatar is an animated film in the same way Mary Poppins and Who Framed Roger Rabbit are. Interpret that how you will.

She goes on to say how she doesn't think Avatar should be nominated for best picture. Again, I see the validity of her statement. Avatar's plot was completely unoriginal, though it never pretended to be, and if we're going for best picture of the entire year plot is certainly a factor. Did Avatar's special effects, detailed creation of an entire planet and culture, and monetary success outweigh the lack of original plot? Again, there are plenty of opinions on that subject too.

I guess I'll state, for the curious, that I don't personally consider Avatar, Mary Poppins, or Roger Rabbit fully animated features. I will say where the line is drawn between real life and animation can be drawn, pardon the word, by someone else, because I don't care. I also think that while Avatar wasn't the the best thing ever, I feel its special effects and attention to detail deserve the utmost recognition, and the special effects were honored.

Anyway back to the ranting girl.

She then goes on to say she doesn't understand why Up was nominated either. And that got me, because you see, that film snob I mentioned earlier fell in love with Up. Not only was it a fun cartoon it was also an excellent film. Those first ten or so minutes are some of the most poignant and honest moments I have ever seen in my life. (I, of course, refer to Carl and Ellie's life montage.) If two characters hardly speak in that ten minute span and yet you can be moved to tears when one of them dies, or even before that when you find out they are unable to have children, that is truly great story telling/film making.

Back on track...

The girl then says she doesn't think animated films should be in that category. No justification, no solid reasoning, they just should 'count.' I'm very angry, so I will try to remain civil here. Why does it matter if something is animated or live action. Can't a true piece of art be a cartoon? What about Batman: The Animated Series? One of the highest quality television series out there, and it says animated in the title. Some may argue that it failed in Prime Time, but that is due to the animation age ghetto (adults don't watch cartoons because clearly they are all for kids, end sarcasm.)

I don't think this kind of snobbery is animation age ghetto. I don't think age has anything to do with cartoons being for children. I think that this is just, people think Cartoons aren't good enough to compete.

That's the part that confuses me the most. Why do people feel that animation, puppetry, or other stop motion animation lessens a film?

I believe that some people feel the actors don't have to work as hard. Which I don't personally understand. You have to have the right vocal cues to match the situation, with no one to work off of, usually (actually depends on the company). It has to flow cohesively and making sure your dialogue does that is not always the easiest. On top of that, everything about that character has to flow from your voice, nothing else. To me this seems harder than having your whole body to work with.

And if it is the Animation Age Ghetto, so what? Just because it's a children's movie doesn't mean it is inherently a poorer quality film. There are good children's movies (Toy Story, Beauty and the Beast) and there are bad children's movies (The Barney Movie, Quest for Camelot). But the same goes for movies for 'adults' too.

But I don't honestly know why people feel this way. If you know or have a better idea, feel free to tell me.

It's times like these....

It's times like these, when I've squandered the day away on TV Tropes, I'm feeling depressed, I'm feeling lazy, Chuck and Hannah broke up, and I miss David Tennant that I wish I was an internet celebrity.

Because really, if there is one guaranteed way to get me to post on my blog is for me to have an assignment do.

The problem is I have no idea where to go with said assignment. Othello, while a very well written and fun (in my opinion) play, leaves me kind of wondering what to talk about.

Yes, I know I could talk about race, fidelity, purity, communication skills, but our teacher keeps reminding us to find what interests us.

Okay, what interests me about Othello is that Iago is fucking awesome. He's the villain, but damn, he's a good one. You hate him, loathe him, he's a mean one mister grinch. If this were a modern day musical he would have the best song in the whole fucking thing. Why is he evil? Who cares? Why does he hate Othello? Does it matter?

Simply by not having motivation, he succeeds at avoiding one thing many villains suffer, the stupid motive. He is a complete monster and that is why he rocks! Seriously, he makes it his goal to totally screw this one guy over, and he does it with style.

I could talk about how villainy without reason is the best kind of villainy, but I can't think of many villains who don't have a reason. Sue Sylvester fits the bill, but Glee isn't the type of thing you write about in a formal paper, plus I'd need another example.

Which leads me back to "It's Times Like These...." because it's times like these where I wish I was a bit of a celebrity so I could ask my fans what I should write about for this paper. And even if I got shitty answers, at least I'd have an idea.

You believe this? Sucks for you Man.

So, I was over on Alicia Blade's live journal and I saw she had reviewed a writing book, Pep Talks, Warnings & Screeds: Indispensable Wisdom and Cautionary Advice for Writers, by George Singleton. And this book made the following points:
- Fan fiction is a waste of time.

- If you go to a coffeeshop to write, you're not a real writer.

- Bestsellers are to literary fiction as bologna is to filet mignon.

- People who major in creative writing have nothing to write about.

- You should never write anything that takes place in a foreign country or a big city.

- You shouldn't be friends with too many other writers because they might steal your ideas.

...Anger cannot begin to describe how I feel towards this man.

I'm going to try and address this point by point.

"Fanfiction is a waste of time." Really? Because, I've been told that any writing practice at all was good. You are practicing and refining part of your craft, whenever you write. No, You can't practice making your own characters. But that doesn't prevent you from practicing description, dialogue, plot, pacing and other generally important things. And you're not just practicing those things, your practicing getting inside a character's head and deciding how they'd react in the situation you've given them. No, this isn't the same as making characters, its no where close. But it's a start. I know when I write fanfiction I'm practicing everything but making characters, and sometimes I even do that.

"If you go to a coffeeshop to write, you're not a real writer." I can't personally attest to this one quite perfectly. I don't write at coffee shops, yet. However, I know J.K. Rowling did plenty of writing at various cafes near her home and I think we all know what happened to her career. Is her prose a shining beacon for those around her to look up to? No, not quite, but her plot was one of the most complex and intriguing things I have ever seen. Her characters were beautifully developed and highly realistic. Finally, the best cure I know of for writer's block is to change scenery. Not in the story, for yourself. For a long time I used to write primarily at home (I was trying to be a good little student). Now, I write a lot at school too. That place seems to be drying out, so I'll try another place.

"Bestsellers are to literary fiction as bologna is to filet mignon." Is every best seller out there going to be the most thoughtful, the most well written, and the best executed book out there? No. Twilight I'm looking at you. (BTW I know I used to like Twilight, but I'm over it. WAY over it.) But this does not mean that every bestseller is a piece of garbage. For example, the final book of the Malloreon, The Seeress of Kell, is a great book. The dialogue in any Eddings book is usually far better than most fantasy novels of the same genre and that is why its a best seller. People love his dialogue. His plots are old and used, he realizes that, but its the banter between the characters and the actual skill when he writes that brings his novels alive.

"People who major in creative writing have nothing to write about." ...I'm still in high school so I can't really say much. However, I read something by a writer (http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/04/27/10-things-teenage-writers-should-know-about-writing/) that one doesn't necessarily need to major in English, Writing, Creative Writing to be a writer. I think that is a valid point. Saying they have NOTHING to write though? That seems a little extreme. My current, and favorite, English teacher says, "Everyone has something to write about" and I believe her. My Grandma, who never went on to have any education past high school and grew up in a town that barely exists anymore kept journal after journal and wrote pieces of a novel for herself. If there is one woman who shouldn't have had anything to write about it was her. Yet, she did.

"You should never write anything that takes place in a foreign country or a big city." I can understand why someone shouldn't write about places they've never been to (Again, Twilight I'm looking straight at you). It can make the locals very unhappy when you muck up their town/city/country. However, staying away from Big Cities and Foreign Countries all together? I don't think so. In one book I'm trying to read (as well as twenty others) The Painter from Shanghai, the author lives in America but has visited China, and Italy, and France several times and knows enough about the cultures in all of those places to keep it authentic (the main character lives at all of these places at one point). Could she get some details wrong? Probably, but doesn't every writer make some mistakes?

"You shouldn't be friends with too many other writers because they might steal your ideas." While there certainly might be some truth to this statement, as people are a vile disgusting lot (see previous entry), I don't see the point of it. I enjoy having other people who know what they're doing (or more importantly, what I should be doing) read over my work and give it a good honest critique. I'm happier when people tell me whats wrong with my work, then I can fix it and get better. Also, I think this has to do with quality of friends. If I kept certain people close to me I'd be worried about losing things too. However, if you have good friends they won't steal your work. For example, Dracula and Frankenstein written by two different people in the same group of friends. Took the same inspiration 'A Ghost Story' and ignited the Gothic Horror genre as we know it. I can see people might steal a kind of premise. But eventually every story boils down to roughly the same story.

SO Mr. Bigshot, I don't see your point. I didn't read your book, if this isn't what you meant by any of it correct me. Until then, I see your points as null and void.

The Internet Scares Me

Woah. I read this story about this crazy chick who goes by the handle MsScribe. I can't get my mind off of it.

Before anyone asks, I'm not her in any way shape or form. I'm just an innocent bystander who found her story via hitting random on TV Tropes and coming across the sock puppet page. ( The MS Scribe tale is compiled wonderfully here: http://www.journalfen.net/users/charlottelennox/784.html.) Honest, at that time my involvement in fandom meant checking Mugglenet once a day (if not more) and Going to my first Midnight Book release. In 2003 I was 12-13ish, and far too shy on top of the fact I wasn't really allowed to join any websites at the time.

For those of you who subscribe to the TL;DR (Too long; didn't read) method of internet inquiry I'll do my best to summarize:

One Woman to Rule them all. One Woman to Find Them.
One Woman to rule them all and in the Darkness bind them.

I'm not exaggerating. One woman created (hold on let me tally) HOLY SHIT! Nearly 30 (probably more though as I'm sure I'm missing some) sock puppets. That's fake accounts for all those internet illiterate or naive. But not just the normal "OMG this person (who totally isn't me) is so fantastic isn't she?" way (which is usually executed with 1 puppet, of course she had many more) but ALSO in the "Wounded Gazelle" way. Self attack in order to gain sympathy (again usually one, maybe two. Oh no she had far more).

Why? For the sake of internet celebrity of course. Now, I'm sure we all want a little attention or 15 minutes of fame now and then. Some people are willing to go to more extreme lengths (Ala Baloon Boy, the White House gate Crashers, I call that Gate Gate).

But even in typing that I realized something. Now is the rest of the world interested in people doing stupid shit for the sake of fame. It's been happening on the internet for YEARS! Literally! Earth to real world, you think the internet is backwards and misinformed, look at yourself in comparison to what fandoms have been dealing with.

Which brings me to the title of this post, "The Internet Scares Me."

Because it does. In real life you have to do major stuff that can get you caught and reprimanded easily. The internet, not so much. All you have to do is not be overly obvious about the whole thing and you can become a BNF, which in the grand scale of internet celebrity I'm not sure where this lies. It took a grand total of six months for people to get suspicious of MsScribe and one more month to get serious accusations leveled at her. And THEN it takes a grand total of 3 1/2 years for her to finally disappear for good (kinda). It also takes about that long for people to accept and/or realize she's been pulling these stunts.

You know when your teachers told you the internet is the underbelly of society and that the worst of the worst are there and you scoffed? or at least were dubious because of the friends you made? Sometimes I wonder if that's true.

Yes, I know I can't trust EVERYONE out there, but I used to be optimistic.

I used to sit quietly in the back and observe to learn the rules of the game and be a respectful observer.

Now I'll sit back wondering how many of you are the same person.

Stage Fright

SO I have my camera. Now I'm not sure I want to do this whole video blog thing. I know I can do it. I just feel uncertain of myself randomly.

Text provides anonymity that a video blog does not.

Yet, on the other hand, I'm an actress. Performing is nothing. I have a feeling I'll do this anyway. Just needed to write it out.

Moving Goalposts

I wanted to be a Theater Major. My mother wanted me to do something practical.

I decide to be an English major, because I enjoy it and I can do anything. My mother decides I we're not getting any loans, because it would be silly and I couldn't do anything with an English Degree.

I took a journalism class and enjoyed it and the fame it brought. My mother took the credit and only enjoyed two of my videos.

I was going to pay for my own camera to start my vlog, but found a better model for cheaper online. My mother won't let me buy myself a camera until I actually put forth effort into creating it.

A Bigger Fish has just appeared in the area

I'm going to start vlogging. Video Blogging for the hermits of the world.

Why? I hear some of you crying. Maybe...

Well, I'm funny when I get angry and when I gush. It shows in my writing, but I'm a better speaker than writer. This is the wise decision.

So, what does this mean for here? I will write either transcriptions or commentaries of the video blogs (like the commentaries for my old fanfic). I'll keep my personal life stuff here primarily. I have a feeling my friends will be more likely to see the videos, not these ramblings. Some of these rants I don't want friends seeing. Simple enough really. And I'll be doing my fanfic updates and reminders through here.

Day of the First blog? When I get my new camera.

And Now I'm Back, from Outer Space...

I just walked in to find... nothing.

I apologize for not writing in.... 10 months. I have been writing, just not here. I was told that my blog hasn't updated recently enough and needs a refresh. I would like to point out that my twitter is linked and it updates regularly. :P Also I didn't go over a year without an update. I'm actually impressed.

I'm still writing fiction. That fanfic that attacked me a while a go is still being written. I had to take some time off. I thought taking a Creative Writing Class would help create writing time. It didn't. I didn't even finish my assigned writings for that class. I also hit a stumbling block on that story. I wrote a crap chapter that I just need to scrap and start over. I haven't yet because I keep hoping I can salvage it. I'll try and pull something out.

Been toying with an original series. It would need multiple books. Mystery/Scifi/Thriller. I've been watching a lot of X-files so you can probably guess what the Scifi aspect will be... If not, then you've been missing out.

Also I'm probably going to write an X-files/Doctor Who fic. I only found 4 on fanfiction.net. What I've got planned is fairly different from all of them. Mostly it'll star 9 instead of 10.

SO I'm procrastinating something else: ACC lit. I hate that class. I don't know why. I had a love/hate with ACC Rhetoric (writing) but this class is just pure hate. The only thing I'm looking forward to is starting Othello this week. And THAT'S only because I love Shakespeare and the Othello Rap.

EDIT: I just noticed a gross grammar error, that I fixed myself. I'm even getting better at grammar.